THE HUMOR SECTION

Stand up, my friend, quick. I left a humor in your chair and you sat on it. Let’s see if it is not too squashed. What do you call a cross between a moose and bus my friends? Do you know? I do not think you do. The an- swer is a moose-bus, my friends.

By Mr Gribble

REAL STORIES AND THINGS LIKE THAT

I remember at the end of sec- ond-grade we did the customary year- book signing. When I signatures from the Prune, Sara, Abigail and J-dawg, I circled them an made a “surrender box” around them. As I’ve written here before, Sports inflamed our leadership conflict by signing his name “President Sports.” The real mystery, however, came in Hen- ry’s journal. A For some completely un- known reason, our acquaintance Jake and our archnemisis, the Prune, both wrote, “Turn the Lights On.” We never could remember or figure out what it meant.

YOUR MAMA JOKES

Your mom is so nice, people love her smile Your mother is so pretty, she could win a beauty contest Your mom lost so much weight, people ask her all the time how she did it I heard your mother went out of her way to help someone out with their bills. That person was grateful Your mom has a peg leg but it’s beause she’s a pirate and people think it’s cool Your mom has an Afro with a chin strap because it goes with her 70’s outfit

Answer to Last Week’s Puzzle

He’s coming, RUN, RUN!, DON’T LET HIM GNAWL YOUR EYES

Weekly Weird Puzzle

Wkh Nloohu lv wkh pdq zkr lv lq d kdy- wh, vr brx grq’w kdyh wlph wr zdvwh

TALE AS OLD AS TIME

(There once was) An Antonio Aardwolf Ancient Adventure. Ac- companied by Brave Battle Bananas. (Prologue)
Battle Begins Bubbles Bounce Break- ing/Crumbling Cactuses, Clouds, Caves, Dragons, Dusk, ETC. Eerie Escape From Frightening Fighting Fire Falcon, Glimmer Goblins; Growl Heard, Howls Heard, Hiss Heard. He Hiccups, Hides, Hikes. Imagine Invasion Ignite Island Intrigue. Journeys Joy Killed, Knock Knock, Kingdom Killed, Key Kicked. (Chapter 1)
*Kindle*, Knot Lullabye/Laughter, Lights Mist/Mountain Melts Meatballs, Marinara, Macaroni. Nibble → Night- time Nap Noise Notified Nightjarred. Orbiting Object Overlook, Observe, Open, Obtain Powerful Powers: Py- rokinesis, Psychokinesis, Precognition. Quest: Qastle, Qaves, Qlouds CONT pg.6

TIE FIGHTER TO FIGHT DETERMINATOR MATCH OF THE CENTURY

Bradford in the Thanksgiving Rum- ble has there been such an anticipated bout in the world of boxing. Hometown hero the Tie Fighter will finally face off against hometown zero the Determi- nator, both of whom come from some town. The two who-doggers grew up in the same rough and tumble neighbor- hood of high class West Frank Street. The Tie Fighter was always first in line at the local tie store. With a record of 20 knockouts and 18 fatalities, the Tie Fighter has never been afraid of finish- ing a fight with one quick slash of the knife he conceals in the folds of his tie. Though the Determinator’s record remains at a disappointing 3 knockouts and 7 fatalities, his record of predict- ing the outcome of matches is unde- feated. Any time he determined that he would lose a match, he used his quick wits to forfeit. If throwing in the towel is not an option, the Determinator de- termines his opponent’s destiny with the shotgun he conceals in his shoe. In the highly regulated sport of gen- tleman boxing, only three hidden weap- ons are allowed per round. There has been much talk this season about the Tie Fighter potentially switching out his knife for a hand grenade if things get gribby. The Determinator is predict- ed to stick with his trusty shotgun if he does not forfeit first. He also has a mean right hook, taken from an industrial meat factory and sharpened to the quick. As a reminder, killing is not al- lowed in gentleman boxing.

This article was translated from Sportuguese by Grandpa Sports.

DVDS FOR RENT

Seven Leaves of Grass, QUAKEAFARI!, The Gribblins big adventure, Fish Go Flush, The Brown Wizard, and Cold Guy 4

Only sold at Jiblet’s Storium

THE SECRETS OF KALE

There are few secrets so well kept as the secrets of Kale. If you want to live a healthy, fit life, follow me as I journey through the tome of kale-knowledge. Fas- ten your chair-straps, because we’re going on a journey into the heart of Kale-town. Did you know 50% of kale can reduce 2% fat by 5%? Did you know eating kale increases your muscle mass by two gribs per gribute? Did you know kale smoothies can clear your airways and sharpen your tongue? Did you know eating kale can cause wings to sprout out of your head? Did you know kale is a crucial ingredient in a healthy diet?

By Janet Fitness